So, where to from here?
My diary records good days and not-so-good days; days of positive reports after radiotherapy and days when Jim just slept the hours away. Some days he was able to cope with visitors and even do some jobs around the home; other days he felt unwell and barely got off the sofa all day.
I was a busy beaver… looking at my diary I now wonder if I did too much and should have spent more time just sitting with Jim… no point beating myself up about it now… I guess I kept busy to keep my sanity and because it is who I am!
It is sad to say and makes me quite sad even writing this now, but I kinda knew that Jim wan’t going to “bounce” back to his normal self.
I asked the Lord… and where previously he had told me that Jim would get better, I received no such assurance this time.
How long?
That I wasn’t told specifically, but I had a good idea and I was keen to be wrong. In fact, medical staff were very positive all along so Jim and I were also.
Oh gosh, this is hard…
We were both so positive and Jim kept helping get our home in order by doing little building things for us … but then he would have a bad day where he would feel weak or ill or just plain tired.
How does one cope?
Me? I took each day as it came… plenty of activity, exercise and visitors. Quite a few tears as well as I walked and I expressed any frustrations in writing (I certainly hope I didn’t share those with Jim!)
Why am I telling you this?
Because you may have been through it too. Because you may be going through it right now. Because you may need to know that you are not alone..
And looking back to my diary, I see that Jim had his first bout of pneumonia … a couple of days in hospital on intravenous antibiotics … and then he was so much better. Over the next few weeks he did some paid work, helped others as we shifted dirt around our section, and enjoyed the company of close friends who came to stay and bless us with practical help.
So my hopes were raised even though Jim’s weight continued to drop, his clothes became looser and baggier and he rarely ate a meal with the gusto and relish he used to….
Judy's Summer Fruit 