As I sit to continue writing this I perused the web for an apt quote about life and death but, you know, I think it is most apt to say that, as a believer in Jesus Christ and his death and resurrection,
Jim was not afraid of death.
In fact, he often told people so – people he met in hospital whom he felt were concerned for him and his shortening life. He was told by hospital staff one time that even nuns and priests often feared the end as they were unsure if they had “done enough” to live with Jesus forever.
Not so, Jim.
I wish I could think of the scripture Jim would tell me that is most appropriate here but, I have not been blessed with a memory of scriptures as he was, so let me just direct you to 1 Corinthians Chapter 15…
…and John 5:24 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life.
But I digress… another stay in hospital before Christmas resulted in words and a discharge note that explained that there was no further treatment available and Jim probably had 3 to 4 months before the cancer took over completely. We still hoped for a miraculous healing … why didn’t that happen? …Only God can answer that and, no doubt Jim has the answer, but the rest of us will have to wait a little longer…
So as we approached Christmas “Merry Christmas” were not words I spoke or wanted to hear as I knew it was not that! And “Happy New Year” was even worse…
Home for Christmas but no celebrations or fancy food… back in hospital for New Year’s Eve; home on 4th January… some days okay, some not… some food eaten, other days very little… visitors came and went; district nurses, paramedics, then back to hospital with pneumonia…
Gosh, this is hard reading my diary and remembering these days… I do notice that I occasionally posted prayer requests on facebook and my diary entries following showed wonderful answers to prayer in that Jim would be free from pain and discomfort for a while and even manage to eat something a little more substantial.
But, days pass slowly and Jim, I believe, grew tired of just coping and not being able to enjoy much at all. I know he was also concerned for me and the stress he could see I was under even though I denied it, of course. When someone we love deeply is suffering and we are not able to do anything about it to ease that suffering there is no doubt that we are, both mentally and physically, stressed….